February 2, 1923
September 30, 2019
On the drive over this morning I was talking to my wife about this eulogy and I guess she sensed a little concern on my part so she asked, “What’s the worst that can happen?” I said, “Well, I guess the worst thing is I won’t be able to finish it.” She said, “That’s not bad. It’ll be shorter.”
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A few weeks ago, Carol and I were up here visiting my mother. My mother knew then that she was about to begin hospice care and that her life was close to the end. She and I had many frank conversations over the years so I felt okay asking her two questions. I asked, “What are you most afraid of and what are you most hopeful for at this stage of your life?”
She didn’t respond right away but the next morning she said, “Last night I woke up in the middle of the night and I was thinking about those two questions. On the first one I decided…I am not afraid of anything. I used to be afraid of things but now I am not afraid of anything.” I asked, “What about the other question? What are you most hopeful for?” She said, “Well, I hope I die before all of my hair falls out.”
We laughed for a few moments and then she went on to say that she hoped she would not die before Patrick’s wedding on September 21 because she did not want to disrupt anybody’s travel plans. She also said she hoped that soon after Patrick’s wedding she would “just float away and leave behind all of the pain that has been holding on to me for so long.” And I think that is what happened on Monday morning of this week. She finally just floated away.
The minister, Tom, knows that my mother, like most of us, has sometimes had a voice of doubt. Over the years and especially after she passed ninety, she often had doubts about her purpose in life. She would ask, “Why is God keeping me alive? There just doesn’t seem to be any purpose for it.”
It was ironic that she was unsure about her life’s purpose because it was obvious to many of us. Her purpose…her talent… her super power was her effortless ability to make meaningful connections with people. She made countless mutually-supportive, meaningful connections with people during each decade of her life. Some of the strongest connections were made right here, in this church. This church and its members were extremely important to her, especially after the death of her husband 21 years ago. Her connections in this church helped her move on from that difficult transition. So, she did move on and she continued to make new, meaningful, strong connections within each community she joined.
She continued to make connections all the way to her last stop…eight months ago when she moved to the skilled nursing care building at Westminster Terrance. Her roommate’s name was Alma, the same name as my mother’s mother, so we all suspected that they might get along. My mother made such a strong connection with Alma that this week as she was dying Alma rolled her wheelchair over to our side of the room and said, “I’ve only known her for eight months but she is like family to me.”
So, if Alma was like family I am sure she heard a lot from my mother about her grandchildren; Wesley, Amanda, Brent and Patrick. My mother took such great pride and satisfaction in the lives and achievements of her grandchildren. They were all so closely connected to her, especially Amanda who had the sweetest granddaughter/grandmother relationship imaginable.
I am sure Alma heard about my mother’s niece, Marsha Staiger, who she had recently started calling “My Fairy God Mother” because they had that kind of connection. She likely heard about my mother’s nephews, Robert and Richard Brent, with whom she had special, life-long, deeply personal connections.
I am sure Alma observed how my mother got a little less secure when my brother was out of town and how she relaxed when he returned. This was because my brother was her personal, reliable safety net for 21 years since our father died.
Alma might have heard my mother complain about never having had a daughter and just being stuck with two sons. I used to joke around with my brother that he could remedy the problem if he would just get a sex change operation…but I knew he wouldn’t do it because it was just too expensive.
We couldn’t be daughters for her but we did bring to her daughters-in-law that helped fill the void of not have a daughter of her own. I know my wife has valued her connection with my mother and that the two of them taught each other a lot over 32 years about how to be strong, independent-thinking women.
Now I can almost hear my mother’s voice in my ear saying, “Michael, you don’t have to mention everybody. I did not win the Academy Award. I just died.”
But I will mention that I am sure that if she could she would walk across the hall after this service and thank everyone here for the role you had in her life and if you didn’t have a role in her life she would use the opportunity to start creating one.
I also know she would want one more connection mentioned and that was the relationship she had with her niece, Sharon Price and Sharon’s friend, Judy. Their connection can only be described as a thing of beauty. And as Sharon and I were discussing earlier this week, the connection that we feel with Aunt Sis, Grandma, Meme, Wilma, Willie, Mother, Mom is not going anywhere. That sense of connection we feel today is as strong as it was last week and it will be just as strong next week. That sense of connection will always be available whenever we need it as long as we live and maybe longer.
