This week I reconnected with an old friend with whom I had lost contact for about 44 years. The connection was made possible through the magic of the Internet and a helpful assist from another old friend. The Internet can be extremely bad or extremely good. This time it was good.
My old friend, Tom, and I were close friends when we were in our early twenties. For a while we shared a big house in the West End of Louisville with two other friends, Lloyd, and Jan. I think it was in the summer of 1973 that Tom and I took off in his brand-new car and drove across the country camping out, smoking pot, and creating funny adventures. We got separated in San Francisco (another story) but we both eventually found our way back to the big house in the West End of Louisville.
Not long after we returned from our trip(s) Tom walked into my room and told me that he was gay. He looked sincere but I was skeptical. I knew Tom sometimes made quick (impulsive) decisions so I said something like, “I don’t think it works like that. You don’t just decide one day you’re gay.” * Tom told me that he suspected that he had always been gay. He had just been denying it. I was a little shocked. I thought this was a pretty big deal for Tom. However, I did not think it was going to make much difference in our relationship...and it didn’t.
A few months passed and Tom moved to the Pacific Northwest. He bought an old house outside of Granite Falls, Washington. He named his house The Institute. It was big enough to accommodate a bunch of people. By the time, I visited The Institute in 1975 there were about five other people living there with Tom and there were numerous neighbors coming and going. Tom had started a large vegetable garden and all of the other residents helped maintain it. I never heard anyone mention the term “rent.” Instead people just spontaneously dropped money (or food stamps) in a basket in the kitchen and then took it out as needed to make grocery runs or to pay for other household expenses. The Institute had become a magical place. I think I was the only straight person staying at The Institute at that time but Tom made me feel welcome for the few months that I was there.
When I no longer had enough money to drop in the basket I left The Institute. I moved to southern Indiana where I became the temporary caretaker of two goats and a summer campground for kids. I was there throughout most of the winter. Eventually, my relationship with the goats and the owner of the property went sour so I moved back to Louisville and launched a semi-normal life and career. I completely lost contact with Tom - until this week.
Another wonderful old friend sent Tom’s email address to me. We have now swapped emails and shared short summaries of our past 44 years. Tom has lived in New York City for most of his adult life. He wrote two poignant comments that were very meaningful to me. He wrote, "We shared a time in our lives when everything was possible." I immediately re-experienced the feeling associated with that time. The memory and feeling brought a tear to my eyes.
Tom also wrote, "You helped my transition to my true self." I wrote back, "I don't know what I did but whatever it was I am proud of it."
________________________________________________________________
*I recently spoke to Tom on the phone. We talked for about an hour reminiscing. He told he that he was not gay but instead he was sexually fluid. It's a real thing. I looked it up. If you are interested you can too. After all, Everything was Possible.
