Out of the Box

I am locked in a small cell with an open door.
I am afraid to look outside for fear of being confined even more.
Suddenly I take a risk. I run outside and I jump in the air.
I breathe in the sky and think if I'm caught I don’t even care.

But I am caught - and locked this time inside a very small box.
I hear the top close. I hear the sound of the locks.
I cannot move. I cannot breathe. It feels like something Satanic.
I am losing control. I am near the edge of an unthinkable claustrophobic panic.

When suddenly I relax
and fall into some inner space
Where I feel safe, quiet. No fear. No fear at all in this inner place.
Now I am grateful for the tormentor who is forcing me to see.
The way out of the box is to stop fighting, let go, and just be inside of me.

I realize now that I am awake but not moving because I want the dream to return.
Instead I am getting up to go to the bathroom to forget what I just learned.

PAIMI Advisory Council

These days my most interesting work is with Disability Rights North Carolina. I am a volunteer member of an advisory group called the Protection and Advocacy for Individuals with Mental Illness (PAIMI) Advisory Council. This group is  comprised predominantly of people with mental illness or family members of people with mental illness. The group helps set direction for Disability Rights NC which is the unofficial conscience of our state's system of services for people with disabilities. I am very proud to be a volunteer with this group. The website is www.disabilityrightsnc.org.