Recently I was watching my family play (at social distance) in the swimming pool in our neighborhood. My wife was throwing a plastic ball to her grandchildren and I said, “Nice throw, Carol. You don’t throw like a girl.” Sara, my adult step-daughter, responded with an uncharacteristically harsh admonition. She said she resented the phrase “throw like a girl.” She said she did not want language like that spoken in the presence of her two young sons. She said she wanted her sons to grow up to be sensitive, good men who respected women.
I thought Sara’s reaction was a little extreme. However, it did cause me to reflect on the role of parents in the character development of young boys.
I wondered (especially in the context of the #metoo era) how do young boys learn to become men who respect women? This month I have also asked myself how do young white males learn to recognize and (unlike my generation) do something useful in response to systemic racism?
Asking questions is easy. Answering is difficult. All that I do know is this.
I am the father of two young, white men of good character. They both hold themselves to higher standards than I ever held myself. They both treat their wives and other women with respect. They both operate their personal and professional lives in accordance with their own solid ethical standards. They both are gifted at communicating with people from different backgrounds, races, cultures, etc.
They are not infallible, but they are both good men of strong character. I do not know how this happened. Probably just serendipity. Yet, in this era of intense awareness about the attitudes and behaviors of white men I think it is a good idea to ask, “How do young, white men of good character develop?” There are lots of them to observe and to learn from.
I’m proud to know two.
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