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How Can I Help?

I have a friend whose daughter recently graduated from college. In the absence of a better idea the new graduate moved back home to live with her parents. Her parents are happy to be her safety net but they are also a little worried. They wonder how long she will be living with them. They wonder if they are "enabling" her to avoid getting started with the normal stages of adult development.


I think the young woman is worried, too. I think she has not built enough self confidence to admit to herself that she doesn't know what to do next. She wants a job but she is paralyzed by her fear of rejection or failure. She has not yet recognized the strength of her own character nor tested her own unique abilities. I doubt that she knows how many old people like me remember being her age and stuck in a similar situation.


I wish I had a strong enough relationship with this young woman to offer a suggestion. I would suggest that she temporarily give up on her job search. Instead I would suggest that she start each day by looking at herself in the mirror and asking, "How can I help?" She would then just need to listen to her own inner voice for an answer. If she doesn't hear anything right away then she could ask the same question to her parents, her neighbors, her friends. If nothing happens on the first day she could start over on the second day with the same question. Very soon she would find an interesting place to get started. 


She only needs to remain open to possibilities and nonjudgmental about herself. Ironically, these are the same concepts and practices I need to remember as I approach retirement. Life's transitions don't seem to stop or get any easier. 

  I wonder how I can help.

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