Practice

 I suggested recently to a Men’s Group that we each write our own eulogy that might eventually be read by someone else. We are all old guys and we often talk about death and dying so I thought a practice eulogy could be interesting and beneficial. So I started by writing my own.

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Like you and everyone else, Michael had an upside and a downside.

His Upside:

• He attracted and appreciated people with unusual personalities. You might have been one.

• He enjoyed facilitating conversations among people with divergent perspectives.

• He appreciated the value of mental health and of mental health treatment.

• He learned how to see and reflect humor in many situations, even this one.🙂

• He truly loved being a father to his children and a close friend and lover to his wife. He certainly believed his family and their relationships defined him more than anything else. He sure cherished his relationships as grandfather.

• He deeply valued a handful of longtime friendships. The longest and deepest being his friend Lloyd and some of the men in his Men’s Group.

• He did (more or less) the best he could in life given his background, genetic legacy, and context. In other words, he played the hand he was dealt reasonably well.

• Thankfully, he did learn to see and appreciate some of the paradoxes within reality that most people usually ignore or just take for granted.  A few of his favorite quotes were:

• “the up and the down are the same” from Heraclitus
• “dying is perfectly safe” from Ram Dass
• “time is an illusion” from Science 
• “we are all individual cells in a much larger body” 
  from God, Nature, or something like It.

His Downsides:

He had his share and a few extra.

•  He had a lack of self control, especially in his younger years. This lead to some bad decisions, hostile words, hurt feelings. None of it fatal but still regrettable and stupid.

• He was disorganized on many levels simultaneously. Even his disorganization wasn’t well-organized. 

• He overused humor as a defense mechanism. He learned in childhood to use humor to deflect criticism or other challenges to his self concept. The humor may or may not have been funny but he thought it was always better than the alternative. 😊

• He lacked the patience, perseverance, or ambition to demand the best of himself. In many ways he was satisfied with just average. Yet, he was extremely grateful that this characteristic was not passed on to either of his high-performing and high -character sons.💟 Michael thought it was a pleasant surprise that in his old age his sons became his role models.

• He lacked any and all practical or mechanical skills.

And yet, he did (more or less) the best he could. He played the hand he was dealt in life reasonably well.

Just a good guy. Nothing more, nothing less. Maybe that’s enough for now.