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My New Haircut


When Carol and I go on long road trips we seldom listen to music. We don’t even turn on the radio. We spend most of the time talking or listening to each other. The following dialog is a short portion of a conversation we had this week while driving home from Louisville.

Carol: You know you will need to get a haircut before Patrick’s wedding.

Michael: I know.

Carol: Please, please don’t get another crappy haircut. This time it matters. You don’t want to embarrass Patrick with your usual stupid Super Cuts haircut.

Michael: The Super Cuts haircuts don’t always suck. Once or twice I have come home with a Super Cut and you haven’t even noticed.

Carol: In thirty-two years how often has that happened?

Michael: Maybe twice…okay once.

Carol: How many have sucked? How many times has your haircut been so severe that you could see white, untanned skin all around your neck? How many of your cheap haircuts have taken your head weeks to recover?

Michael: Okay, that has happened a few times. I think the worst one was the damn haircut that made me look like Christian Lattner. That one really did suck. I wanted to call the cops on that barber.

Carol: Promise me you will get a good haircut this time.

Michael: Okay, but tell me what you consider a good haircut.

Carol: A good haircut doesn’t look like you just had one. If you get a good haircut the stylist will groom your eyebrows and ears and remove hair from all of your…hairy places.

Michael: (laughing) I can imagine asking a barber to remove all the hair from my hairy places. The freaking barber would say, “Listen buddy, I am not going near all your hairy places. If you want your hairy places trimmed you’re gonna have to ask your wife to do it. “

Carol: You know what I mean. Would you like me to ask my stylist if she will cut your hair?

Michael: No. But if I did how much would it cost?

Carol: About forty-five dollars.

Michael: No way. That’s more than I pay for a year’s worth of haircuts.

Carol: And how do think that is working for ya?

Michael: Forty-five dollars!  That’s more than we used to pay to have the dog groomed. Maybe I should get my hair cut at the vet. I’ve often thought the vet offered a better deal on healthcare than the Family Practice Clinic. Maybe they can offer a better deal on haircuts.

Carol: You know when they groomed the dog they also drained his anal gland. 

Michael:  Point taken. Let’s ask Patrick for a suggestion for a good place to get a new haircut. He once mentioned a place where they offer free beer and sports on TV. Maybe I should look into that. 

Comments

MichaelO said…
Follow up:
I went to the hip Rock Hair shop in Durham. I got a $40 haircut by a very chatty gay guy. I told him Carol’s definition of a good haircut.

He did remove the hair from my hairy places (ears, nose and eyebrows). He kept standing back during my haircut and occasionally saying to himself, “I really like it.” Unfortunately it was not about him.

Bottom line: Once again I have a weird, crappy haircut that looks worse than Super Cuts.
August 28, 2019 at 1:13 PM
patrick owen said…
Ohhhhh man. Send me a picture.
August 28, 2019 at 2:09 PM
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