Might As Well Be Here Now

Last month my father-in-law, Robert G. Parr, died at the age of ninety-five. His death was not a surprise but it was still an emotional moment for his family and for many of his scientific colleagues. Bob Parr and I were close friends. This was (and still is) a peculiar fact. The two of us were at opposite ends of just about any scale that you can imagine. He was a brilliant, world-class theoretical chemist. I passed high school chemistry with a C-. Bob was careful and deliberate. He built his life and his career on rational, long range plans and consistent follow through. I have spent most of my life in a “Be Here Now” anti-planning model that has had numerous downside consequences and only a few invisible upsides. Bob was quiet, thoughtful, and serious. I am seldom any of those. The only thing Bob and I had in common was that we both loved the same woman, his daughter, Carol. A few days after Bob’s death two of his younger colleagues asked me if I could explain to them ho...

I recently visited Louisville and witnessed an episode that involved four local police officers. While eating a breakfast biscuit at MacDonald’s on Taylorsville Road, I noticed a very large African American man sleeping at a table in the corner. He looked like some of the homeless people I have met in my neighborhood. There were several other people eating near him but he was not creating a problem.  Four local policemen entered the MacDonald’s and surrounded the sleeping customer. They were well armed and equipped with gear that looked intimidating to me. One of the policemen nudged the customer and said firmly, “MacDonald’s called us and said you have to leave.” The policeman told the man to stand up but the man refused to do so. He said it was cold outside and that he had no place to go. Most of the other customers seemed to sense something bad was about to happen, and they quickly left the area.  The lead policeman who woke the man talked with him for about fi...

I have a friend whose daughter recently graduated from college. In the absence of a better idea the new graduate moved back home to live with her parents. Her parents are happy to be her safety net but they are also a little worried. They wonder how long she will be living with them. They wonder if they are "enabling" her to avoid getting started with the normal stages of adult development. I think the young woman is worried, too. I think she has not built enough self confidence to admit to herself that she doesn't know what to do next. She wants a job but she is paralyzed by her fear of rejection or failure. She has not yet recognized the strength of her own character nor tested her own unique abilities. I doubt that she knows how many old people like me remember being her age and stuck in a similar situation. I wish I had a strong enough relationship with this young woman to offer a suggestion. I would suggest that she temporarily give up on her job search. ...

On July 20, 2012 a man with a serious mental illness entered a movie theater in Aurora, Colorado. He set off tear gas grenades and then shot into the audience with multiple firearms. He killed 12 people and injured 70 others. At the time of this incident it was the largest number of casualties in a shooting in the United States.  _____________________________________________________________ Two nights later my son, Patrick, showed me an editorial cartoon he was reading online. The cartoon pictured a man with a disability standing on the sidewalk gazing up at a very long stairway that led up to a psychiatrist sitting in the clouds. On the sidewalk right next to the man was a gun store with an open door and a sign saying, “Come Right In.” Patrick and I discussed the obvious irony in the cartoon for a few minutes. Neither of us could find words to express our sadness about the Aurora incident. Like most people across the country we had watched and listened to many stories on ...

Many years ago I was a regular member of the Unitarian Universalist Fellowship in Durham. Now I am a very irregular member. Actually, I am not really an official member at all. But I do attend the Men’s Group there every other Thursday night and I identify with the values of many past and present Unitarians. About twenty years ago the Fellowship had a practice of inviting individual members to deliver short statements during the Sunday morning services. The purpose of this practice was to give individuals an opportunity to tell the congregation what they truly believed. I always thought this was a great idea. Since Unitarians are not restricted by dogma every individual can believe whatever he or she chooses. So how could any of us know what our fellow travelers really believe about life, death, God, or no god, etc. if we didn’t ask and didn’t tell?  In the early 90’s I was recruited to deliver my “credo” as they called it. I actually appreciated being asked because I...

Please do not read this story. It is too long, too boring, and too detailed to be of interest. However, it describes a traumatic episode in my life that I want written, even if not read. ___________________________________ August 2001 My attorney was saying something like, “I am pretty sure we can get use immunity for both of you. Maybe even blanket immunity but that’ll be a lot harder to get. For blanket immunity we will need approval from the Department of Justice in D.C. It may take a couple of days.”  I did not understand the distinction between the two types of immunity deals that could be offered to witnesses who were willing to testify before a Grand Jury. My new $500-per-hour criminal lawyer was happy to explain. Use immunity meant that anything I said under oath that pertained to a specific area of inquiry could never be used against me in court. Blanket immunity meant that anything I said under oath regardless of the topic could not be used against me – unle...